Some wave of thought or the outcome of a nightmare stirred me awake from my deep sleep.In the quiet darkness, I reached for my phone which usually finds its place on the table near my bed. Its just 4 am and I've got plenty of time to dig into the next trip to the reverie.But something in my mind revolted against having the usual gudnt sleep at that hour.
It had been raining heavily yesterday night and now it has settled into a quieter drizzle.
Though I am used to sleeping alone in my room for quite some time, the claustrophobia started creeping on me. I tried to brush through what all showed its head in my everyday life. The faces of people flickered through my mind and the conversations , their attitudes , their thoughts swarm in like locusts. I blankly stared onto the fan which partly showed its whirl, for the light had already started filtering through the window panes. It wasn't too hard to while away time as I thought so , even at this hour . Blindly staring through the window sills , my mind fell back to yesterday. The film I saw cleared its path through the vacuous mind. Those celluloid visions were more than superfluous sermons which were quiet against the traditional thoughts;how a good person was put behind the bars due to the ignorance of investigators and after the penance they becoming terrorists working against Govt; then the old comrade returning to the family following the investigator's advice to track'em and all those crap!!! such a waste of time!!I checked the time again. One more hour has passed.
I came back to the real , present world; the world in which I am living...I was wondering what I am here for?! what is the soul purpose for me being in this world? What my path ahead will be?! Mostly, everyone has a clear motive for their life .But do I have one? Is that buried somewhere in my heart?? The Almighty have paved my way till here and will continue to lead me and of course, everyone else too; but...why I cant make out what I want to do....why in the world cant I distinguish myself?!!why I am gazing blankly at the upcoming things??!! I still am confused??!!!
All the thoughts washed away when the queued topics sprang up again...I checked my phone .Couldn't believe how time flew away that fast! 6'O clock has already past!! I merely took off the blanket draped around me, stretching myself welcoming the new morning. Yawning and rubbing my eyes sheepishly,I stood up. Walking near to the windows I opened 'em letting the cool ,moist air glide through the room,through me... I could feel my blood rushing through the nerves... Today too will pass like what yesterdays had been,I thought. The yesterdays which made me up to this much, this much idle, this much of a thoughtless creature, will again be repeating today too! Each morning reminds me the same line,"I could have done something, something a bit useful ,yesterday!!" How easily I while away time without any resentment!! I've stepped into my final year of graduation and I ought to be looking for something to do for project and seminar works more seriously...I ought to be helping my mother more in her works at home...But do I do all these with the same enthusiasm as I do with my leisurely activities?? Kicking off everything that popped up in my mind, my day again started . The irony is that I like these lines from Tennyson's Ulysses:
" Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains; but every hour is saved
From that eternal a silence,
Something more;
A bringer of new things!"
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